I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
