Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
