i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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