come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
