I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
