i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
