uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I died a long time ago.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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