Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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