I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
