hotel room ftw
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
