She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
