pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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