I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry about my life...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
