??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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