Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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