you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
