Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
