just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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