I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They took my balls.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
