In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
