So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
