Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
