Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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