great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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