I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
