I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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