I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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