Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
