WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
