Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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