I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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