Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
