You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
