Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I forget how to act sober
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
