he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
