I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
