I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was not drunk enough for that final.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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