i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
