If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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