Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I smell like Dick and happiness
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
