You're so nebulous sometimes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
