Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
