Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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