Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
