I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
