I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
