I just threw up on my dentist
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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