when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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