im drinking this country out of the recession.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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