i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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