Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
