Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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