guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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