Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
