So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
