I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
