it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize