They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
