I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
