I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
