Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
high people should be assigned attendants
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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