Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
