just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
