I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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