I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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