I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The feeling are messing with the penis
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
