Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
