dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
