I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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