I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
