After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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