Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
