How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
