Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
