before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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