So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
