They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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