I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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