Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
