I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
