i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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