Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
