haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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