Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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