Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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